Wednesday, May 28, 2014

#YESEVERYONE - Because This Is How It Should Be

Lots of people are talking about the young man who killed 7 people in California this last week, because he was rejected by pretty women and other issues. He wrote a manifesto and many videos on how it was the fault of everyone else, especially a girl he knew 10 years ago, when she was 10 and he was 12, and how she rejected him and it messed up his whole life.

There is no doubt that this boy had mental problems - big ones. But this has created a serious social divide; men who are siding with this boy, blaming women.  The hastag #notallmen is running about, and so is the hashtag #yesallwomen Each side trying to pass off the blame, or trying to defend their position without ever hearing the other side.  I got frustrated of facebook this morning over it, due to another blogger talking about how me must teach our BOYS not to do these things.  But once again, the girls got a pass.  So I started to write, first on Faceboook, and then on Twitter.  I created the hashtag #yeseveryone.  We'll see where it goes.  I could be talking to the wind.

We're talking a lot this week about "teach the boys different". Well, teach the girls different too. Some girls chase boys in Kindergarten and try to kiss them as well, and pin them down. Some girls stalk and harass boys - and other girls- too. Some girls think they deserve sex because they are pretty, and when a boy says no, she tries to ruin his life socially and even financially. Some girls make claims of pregnancy and rape that are truly false when they cannot get their ...way with a boy, or a man..
I agree that most women have dealt with a bad situation from a few men, but on the other side, there are a lot of men who have dealt with a bad situation from a few women.
I'm seeing both sides here - as a woman whose been there, and as a woman with a husband, son, nephews and male friends who've had to deal with as bad as I have, and worse. We're lucky - no one has taken a gun or knife to any of us - yet. But unless we change, unless we teach ALL the kids different social patterns, this will be a problem for EVERYONE- male or female.

And if you're getting this idea that I'm sick of the man blaming I see going on this week, you're right. If you get the ide that I'm also sick of the woman blaming going on this week, you're right.
Yes, some people are socially awkward - that's just a fact. Some outgrow it, some never do. And being socially awkward is not just limited to the "geeks" and "nerds"; I've seen some very socially awkward popular kids, usually in a way associated with a sense of entitlement. They just cannot fathom the word "no", they cannot handle any sort of rejection. And when it comes, it is clearly the "fault" of the rejecter.

Here's a fact - not everyone will like everyone. Not everyone wants to be your friend. It's something most of us learn - painfully, that's true- in Kindergarten and first grade. It's also something some people never learn.

Those are the potentially dangerous ones - like this case we've been talking about all week. People who cannot take no for an answer get pushy, and bossy, and angry. Some don't just go away, they persist, they stalk, they get violent. Men AND WOMEN. They make it a goal to ruin your life.
We've seen this on soap operas and nighttime drams for DECADES. We have songs about destroying someone's car, we've seen celebrities burn down houses over not getting their way. On Craigslist in any town with a military base, there are women selling positive pregnancy tests to trap soldiers into marrying them!

Yet for some reason, socially, we accept this behavior from women. WHY?


Start changing it. Start changing how you react to a woman doing these things vs a man doing them. Start changing what you think I s "cute" from small children - because if you let them know it's all good at age 4, they remember that and continue to do that. Start teaching them WHY this is not acceptable- and they will also grasp it at age 4, even if not fully.


And stop blaming everyone BUT the perp for their actions. People cannot make you do anything you do not want to do, if you don't let them.

Like I said, I could be talking to the wind.  But even in talking to the wind, the sounds carry on it to ears that are receptive.  The wind, and I- we'll keep having these conversations.


And if you wonder why I've put THIS on THIS blog- THIS blog is about me, and my family, and how we are changing our lives. This subject is about changing life, changing perceptions, changing our world.  Change doesn't all have to come from growing our own veggies or spending less money or raising chickens or home cooking - it is ALL Encompassing.  Think on it.